The majority of my police memories are repressed. Mostly because of the countless events that I have witnessed night after night… for years. I imagine that it is similar to a bartender who gets asked what their favorite beer is night after night. They’ve tried many but would have a hard time defining their all-time top choice. For me, some past events must be repeated 4-5 times before I might say, “Oh yeah I remember that.” One of my friends, who is now a firefighter, told me, “Hey do you remember when the dispatcher called out shots fired at the gas station and we were close by, but we didn’t hear anything? We thought the call wasn't going to amount to anything so we volunteered to take the call so we can check out the gas station and, since we were starving, have some extra time to go and grab some food. We get to the gas station and sure enough there were three people shot! Remember that?” As much as I try I still can’t remember that incident, but he’s absolutely convinced that we were working together.
I never tell people I’m a police officer, at least not until I’m asked, by which time
you’ve already decided that you pretty much like talking to me. I had an
instructor at the police academy that used to say, “Don’t identify as a
cop if you’re not on duty.” This was before hating cops became "thing." He implored us to just be ourselves off duty and not let the police powers go to
our head. I have a couple of friends that left the police department for the
fire department and if you’ve ever met a firefighter, you’ve noticed that they
always wear a t-shirt from their firehouse, no matter where they go. They don’t
wear plain white t-shirts, no, their t-shirt of choice always has the words “Fire
Department” on it along with the Maltese cross (that round 4 section badge
looking thing). They have a t-shirt for every day of the week and I’m convinced
wearing it must be the first rule in their official rules handbook. If they're not
wearing a shirt that says "Fire Department," then they’ll tell you their a firefighter. My instructor
pointed out, “I introduce myself like this, ‘Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Jim,’ but
a firefighter introduces himself like this, ‘Hi, I’m a firefighter, my name’s
Ed.”
For some reason, after people find out that I’m a police officer they’ll get around to asking, “what’s the craziest
thing you’ve ever seen?” The answer to this can be any of the millions of things that
I’ve seen. Some involve danger, some gore, some absolute stomach
cramping laughter, but what eventually comes out of my mouth is whatever I can
remember at that particular moment. It’s never a story where I make myself
out to be a hero either as I work with plenty of guys who can talk endlessly about things
they’ve done. I can care less, especially if I didn’t ask, but mostly because officers who speak of themselves heroically tend to dismiss the experiences of their fellow officers. Still, I listen, because every officer needs to know they are appreciated, and officers tend to not trust upper management.
From time to time the police department will send out an email encouraging officers to talk about things. To seek help if things get a little
messy up in the headspace. From time to time I’ve taken them up on that
suggestion and I sincerely recommend it. I have found it beneficial, if for
nothing else, to at least verbalize some of the things you’d been repressing
without even realizing it. The load really does seem to get lighter after just
simply verbalizing a few things. The same applies to writing. From time to time,
I’ll come right back to here, and write a piece called “The Craziest Thing
You’ve Ever Seen.”
